Too much tinsel for your temperament? Menorah got you mental? Christmas carols make you want to poke your eyes out with a Star of David?
Sometimes, it seems the holiday season is about as easy to avoid as women in yoga pants, which is to say, it's impossible. But never fear, grinches! Here at Citizine, we cater to all sorts. We’ve compiled for you a special guide for a festive-less season. Who knows, with a bit of planning you might even enjoy yourself!
Escape into an escape room
Most people are trying to break out of them, but this holiday season, you can escape into one (or several of them!) The Escape Hotel offers seven foreboding options that’ll leave mistletoe and latkes long forgotten. Break free from the Slaughter Room, find the antidote to the zombie apocalypse or take on The Exorcist, based off of Fox's series. How very festive indeed!
For more ways to scare the crap out of yourself, check out some of the best horror-themed escape rooms in LA via actress Jessica Cameron.
Image courtesy of Escape Hotel Hollywood
Vibe with a grumpy comedian
There’s no shortage of knee-slapping comedians at LA’s comedy venues and hey, misery loves company. Hit up The Comedy Store or Laugh Factory and fight the Christmas spirit with some snark and a snicker. Or you can shuffle over to Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre and wallow in Shitty Jobs, a show filled with creepy bosses, depressed co-workers, and jerk-ass customers. Oh, happy day!
Image courtesy of @nikkiglaser
Mess up the fresh sand dunes at Venice Beach
The beach in winter is always a haven — peaceful, untouched, very few humans, etc. It's also windy and cold as shit. But grease up your saucer sled (or pizza box) and hit up Venice Beach because the fresh sand berms have arrived for winter. Seize the opportunity to become the oversized naughty kid on the block and own that freakin’ dune! There’s nothing quite as Grinchy as leaving crying children in your wake.
Image courtesy of Steve Christensen and Yo! Venice!
Climb into yesteryear on Echo Mountain
Hike out to the ruins of the burned down (and once grandly festive) Echo Mountain House Hotel, and revel in the fact that all good things do in fact come to an end. Out in the lower San Gabriels with nothing but mountain canyons, stunning views and the sky above, you can avoid the crowds and dabble in the magic of history at this formerly magnificent mountain-top resort. There are also ruins of a funicular railroad and an old ale house where you can raise a cold (BYO) beer to your dreidel strike. The full hike is 10.4 miles, but it’s under six if you just head to the hotel ruins and back.
Image courtesy of Alethea Cho
Get drunk in a grumpy Old Man Bar
Let’s face it, ladies and gents: you’re a grumpy old bastard right now. So, it’s time to find yourself a grumpy old man bar in which to sip away your sorrows. Thankfully, here in LA, we have a bar aptly named Old Man Bar, so you’re in luck. Snuggle down in a wingback arm chair below the old oil paintings and the taxidermied animal heads and bury your head in a whiskey. It’s dark, their old fashioned menu is long, winding and mysterious and Christmas bells are but a distant memory.
Image courtesy of Hatchet Hall
Hole up in the dark at the movies
If you’re not Jewish, take a tip from the Jews on how to avoid Christmas at all costs. If you are Jewish, well then, you’ve already decided whether you'll be feasting on Twizzlers or Sour Patch Kids. At the movies you can immerse yourself completely into another time and place. Check out LA’s more obscure Landmark Theatres and the Laemmle theaters if you really want to lay low or avoid the Hollywood blockbuster prequels, sequels and threequels. Just make sure you don't accidentally wander into a screeningof It’s a Wonderful Life. Christmas movies ... bleh!
Camp in the Valley of Death
There's no better way to disconnect from the general population than to literally disconnect from the general population on a camping trip. And there's nowhere more stunningly remote to do it than in Death Valley National Park. At this time of year, you can pitch your tent below majestic, snow-capped mountains with desert sands as far as the eye can see. And lucky you won’t burn to death in 134 degree heat (Death Valley's record-breaking temperature). If you still want some fragment of civilization—and someone to cook—try Panamint Springs Resort, where you can pitch a tent or rent a bungalow. Check out Citizine’s full guide to Death Valley over HERE to plan your trip.
Image courtesy of @horrorexplorers
Nosh without the trimmings
Hungry? It’s so hard to avoid all that darn delicious overrated, holiday food. This year, screw the homemade brisket, jelly doughnuts, roast turkey and pecan pies … and don't line-up for Chinese food again this year, either. You live in LA; the options are aplenty. In fact there’s an entire neighborhood dedicated to phenomenal Ethiopian food. Get down to Messob Ethiopian Restaurant on Fairfax, (open on Christmas Day!), and bury yourself in the aromatic spices for a feast with your hands just like your mother told you not to.
Image courtesy of @healthy_socal_eats
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Belinda Gosbee is an Aussie writer, actress and coffee snob based in Los Angeles. She’s actually a downright sucker for Christmas carols, gingerbread cookies and mulled wine. Follow her jaunts on twitter @belindagosbee or instagram @gos22
