The year was 2012. It was my first dodgeball game in 25 years. I entered the gym with as much swagger as a grown man wearing matching Cookie Monster boxers and t-shirt could muster. We were the Undie Dawgs after all—Hollywood Rec Center's newest dodgeball team.
When Cookie Monster comes out to play ... Image courtesy of the author, Brian Roth
WHACK! BOOM! The game began and we were terrible. Beyond bad. We lost every game. All season. No matter though, because losing never felt so good. I had unearthed a passion that was literally pounded into me. It was the best part of middle school recess all over again, except now, I could play in my underwear.
If you're up for getting involved in the silliness, there’s no better place than the Motherland, Los Angeles—where dodgeball beyond the playground first began.
In 2003, a full year before the movie DodgeBall: A True Underdog Story debuted, Michael “Handsome” Costanza founded the Los Angeles Dodgeball Society—the nation’s first adult recreational dodgeball league at the Hollywood Rec Center. Since then, the group has blossomed into the World Dodgeball Society, with 11 leagues throughout the city at various levels of competition and inspired leagues worldwide, from Australia to Singapore.
Since Handsome hadn’t even heard of the Globo Gym's Purple Cobra team (featuring White Goodman played by Ben Stiller) for inspiration yet, what did spur him to start the world’s first adult recreational league?
“‘Winning is for losers’ was the mantra we were founded on. We branded ourselves as an anti-sport ... an anti-activity,” says Handsome. Apparently, Peter LeFleur's (played by Vince Vaughn) team, Average Joe's, was more what he aspired to.
Michael "Handsome" Constanza—balls bow in honor of adult DB rec league founder. Image courtesy Allison Knight, World Dodgeball Society.
Like a lot of us, he was trying to channel his inner kid. He wanted to time travel back to that pre-pubescent grade school recess blacktop when you got hit square in the face, nuts, or chest with a big red kickball.
“Dodgeball was left in that proverbial time capsule. It was a chance to go back in time before puberty happened,” says Handsome.
Watching someone get hit in the nuts is funny at any age. Image courtesy of Allison Knight, World Dodgeball Society
Sure, our junk may be older and the balls may have gotten smaller (most adult rec dodgeball is played with rubber balls rather than those rock-hard, red kickballs you’re probably picturing), but adult dodgeball today is the exact same sport. And since the friendly adult version started more than a decade ago in the City of Angels, it's grown to three main dodgeball organizations: World Dodgeball Society, WeHo Dodgeball and Eagle Rock Yacht Club. Combined, the three clubs offer a whopping 20+ leagues throughout LA. So, there’s one for everyone.
Follow this handy Los Angeles dodgeball guide and you are well on your way to becoming the coolest uncool jock in town:
BASIC RULES
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Teams of 15-20 line up on opposite ends of the gym with seven balls in play at once.
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If you get nailed by a ball, you’re out.
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If you catch a ball thrown at you, the thrower is out and someone from your team comes back in.
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The game goes until one team is completely eliminated. In most leagues, you play as many games as you can in an hour.
DODGEBALL COMMANDMENTS
Now that you’ve got the fundamentals down, abide by these three unspoken dodgeball rules to guarantee good times:
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Smile - When you’re about to pelt someone, smile at them. No matter who it is, chances are they’ll smile back. And it’s awfully hard to throw too agro with a big old cheesy grin on your face (and vice versa!).
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Throw Low - It turns out that most people don’t like getting smacked in the face. In most leagues, hitting someone in the head doesn't even count. So, aim below the belt.
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Don’t Cheat - Remember when you were eight years old and snuck downstairs to the kitchen late at night and raided mom’s cookie jar? And then denied it to no end? Well, here’s your chance to prove to everyone that you’re an adult now. Some leagues have refs, some don’t, but it usually comes down to players' integrity. Don’t cheat, otherwise we’re telling mom.
FIND YOUR MATES: DODGEBALL LEAGUE GUIDE
Seasons generally last ten weeks and are roughly $55-$60 to join. Most people sign up for one in their neighborhood, but if you’re a DB diehard like myself, you'll choose carefully based on league dynamics.
Your tribe is out there. Image courtesy of Allison Knight, World Dodgeball Society.
Here’s the breakdown:
If you’re all about nostalgia, check out ...
This league is where it all began 13 years ago, started by Michael Handsome Costanza.
If you just LOVE being in a room full of sweaty men (and a few women), join ...
Don’t let team names like Star Whores, Magic Mikes (yes, every guy on the team is named Mike), or 50 Shady Gays fool you, the competition here is pretty fierce. And registration in the mostly—but not entirely—gay leagues sell out in five minutes every season.
Deets: League games are Tuesday and Thursday nights at West Hollywood Rec Center.
WeHo Star Whores team ready for a galatic battle. Image courtesy of WeHo Dodgeball
If you’re a masochist or just enjoy big balls, sign up for ...
Unlike most other leagues, this one is played with those same big balls (8.5” refers to the size of the balls) from the playground. Careful, they sting.
Deets: You can get hurt so good every Wednesday night at Pan Pacific Park.
Or, if you’re more into straight up girl-on-girl action, check out ...
Deets: This all-girl, draft style league throws down at Poinsettia Rec Center on Wednesday nights.
No Boyz Allowed team gives 'you throw like a girl' a whole new spin. Image courtesy of Allison Knight, WDS
If everyone’s a winner in your book AND you like playing with kids, join ...
Turns out there’s a league that’s actually a non-profit. Dodgeball is part of the story here, but so is giving back to the rec centers where they play. In addition to the adult league (where they don’t keep score or standings to keep it casual), The Yacht Club hosts weekly kids dodgeball nights throughout the school year to give players a chance to get picked on by eight-year-olds (yeah, just like the Girl Scout troop did in the movie).
Deets: League games are played Tuesday through Thursday nights at rec centers in Highland Park, Venice, North Hollywood and Glassell Park.
Friday is kids night. Image courtesy of Michael Wilsker, Eagle Rock Yacht Club.
This advanced league is designed for those who like their dodgeball hard, fast and rough.
Deets: Matches are played Sundays at Poinsettia Rec Center.
If you’re still not sure about committing to a full season of reliving middle school glory, then test the waters at ...
Open Gym
These are weekend pick up games open to anyone.
Deets: Standing Open Gyms take place on Sundays at Noon at Poinsettia Rec Center
and Sundays at 3:30pm at Glassell Park Rec Center. $5 gets you 90 minutes—two hours of action.
POST-GAME DRANKS
Leagues are usually played at city rec center gyms, so drinking during game play is technically discouraged. But every league has a post-game bar, where you can apologize to whoever you pelted in the face that night and show off your drunk bar game skills.
Prince O' Whales
Playa del Rey, $
The World Dodgeball Society - Westchester league gathers at Prince O’ Wales after game play every Wednesday, where the back patio is a perfect venue for weekly bar games organized by the league.
Big Wangs
NoHo, $
Big Wangs is the place to be after Tuesday night games. The Eagle Rock Yacht Club - NoHo league has their own private room at the bar where they play a different game each week—often with pitchers of beer up for grabs for the winners.
Gym Sportsbar
WeHo, $
The Weho Dodgeball league party continues every Tuesday through Thursday night at Gym Bar, the only gay sports bar in town ...
Image courtesy of @gymbarweho
THE LOOK
For starters, unless you’re Steve the Pirate, the basic dodgeball uniform consists of a funky T-shirt or screen printed team tee, shorts (or tutu), maybe some old-school tube socks, knee pads, a headband or baseball cap and tennis shoes.
What other sport can a man boldy rock a pink tutu? Image courtesy Allison Knight, WDS.
Here are some places to put together the winning look, on or off the court:
T-Shirts
Kools Clothing Store
DTLA, $$
Y-Que Trading Post
Los Feliz, $
This kitschy Los Feliz shop put themselves on the map with those Free Winona shirts back in the day, and they’ve been keeping it fresh ever since.
DTLA, $
That winning team name—perhaps Ball & Oates or Me Dodge You Long Time—needs a custom shirt, dammit. Head over to DTLA’s Ultimate Shirt Company or JJ’s Embroidery in Fairfax and design shirts of champions.
Various Locations, $$
From “Feel the Bern” to a Jesus’ last supper kegger party t-shirt, Urban Oufitters has a plethora of hipster cool shirts to rock.
Socks
Venice, $
If you want to up your sock game in a funky/fresh way, Happy Socks on Abbot Kinney is your answer.
DTLA, $
More of an old school, high tube socks guy or gal? Santee Alley in DTLA is the answer for some classic 70s socks with stripes to boot.
Los Angeles Sock Market
Universal City, $$
Sure, you have to dive into to tourist central, but it’s worth it to find exactly the right socks. From Dodgers logo to Marvel Comic superheroes, if the Sock Market doesn’t have it, it probably doesn’t exist.
Shoes
Some folks go vintage (there was a girl who played a few seasons ago with an original pair of Reebok Pumps from the 80s!), some go flashy, but whatever your style, Waraku on Abbot Kinney, Sportie LA on Melrose or Undefeated on La Brea or Main Street in Santa Monica will complete you.
TOURNAMENTS
Separate from the leagues, there are a number of tournaments throughout the year that bring out the best in wacky dodgeball costumes and drunk dodgeball playing. Some are annual, some are one time deals. Here are a few not to miss:
Tournies = a good excuse to play dress up. Image courtesy of WeHo Dodgeball.
Half dodgeball tournament, half moustache expo, this annual fiesta takes place on May 28-29 at Bellevue Rec Center in Silver Lake.
This benefit for animal shelters goes down at Pac Pacific Park on June 18.
This annual benefit tournament brings out the most awesome team costumes in town.
Filled with raffle prizes and house rules to make game play a little more interesting, the annual Valentine’s tournament is a win every year.
And finally, in case you were still unsure, here are the ...
Top 6 Reasons Why You Need to Try Dodgeball
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You’re tired of spending your nights swiping left and right. Plenty of my friends, especially girls, sign up to meet someone. And I know of a couple of dodgeball first dates that led to marriages. (Or course, I also know of more than a few that led to awkward breakups, but hey, that's your risk to take.)
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You like exercise, but hate the gym. Turns out that running, jumping, and throwing non-stop for an hour is an intense workout. No matter your skill level, you’ll be surprised at how much you sweat.
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You never wear that 1988 Bon Jovi concert or Golden Girls t-shirt in the bottom of your closet, but can’t bring yourself to drop them at Goodwill. Look no further. They finally have a home on the dodgeball court.
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You like making lifelong friends. Most folks I know who play dodgeball have ended up making some of their closest friends as a result.
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You’re most at home in full costume. You can literally wear anything (see hotdog and dinosaur suited players below) and will be welcomed with open arms.
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Even if you have the althetic prowess of Tina from Bob’s Burgers, there’s a place for you in dodgeball. “It took some time to accept the fact that I can’t catch and I can’t throw…but I can dodge!” says Sonie Haneline, a frequent LA-based dodgeballer.
What you have to look forward to: hotdog and dino teammates. Image courtesy Allison Knight, WDS.
Here's to grabbing life by the rubber balls ...
Brian J. Roth has been dodging balls in Los Angeles since 2012. You can find him smiling through a game in a sweaty gym near you, in a merman suit or at Santee Alley on one of his cool, quirky dates he likes to plan and on Instagram / Twitter @brianjayroth.
Header image of Ben Stiller in "Dodgeball:The True Underdog Story", courtesy of Fox 2000 Pictures / Red Hour Films.