Vegans and butter-averse: Consider this your warning to turn back now. But if you’re into the holy matrimony of meat and cheese, please proceed to LA-based TV writer Gennefer Gross’s Instagram for a practically pornographic tour de force.
Gennefer, whose concept for a Sex and the City remake starring Jeff Goldlum x4 has seen over 30K retweets, has a penchant for NSFW Instagram captions, American cheese and making it a double. She posts mostly photos of cheeseburgers (see: #GennsBurgerDiary), her husband/writing partner (see: #ParentsWhoBone) and her son (see: #HeyHeyWereTheGrosses). Does the James Beard Foundation offer awards for Instagram captions yet? I think you know who we’d like to nominate …
“I'll never understand why people opt for thick-cut burgers when smashed patties exist with a crispy, griddled crust that locks in the juices and consummately commingles with creamy American cheese like hot sex and tequila. Add butter-grilled onions, seeping with savory grease, on a soft potato roll and that's pretty much the perfect cheeseburger,” captions Gennefer in an Instagram post featuring her own work of art from late 2017.
Gennefer first became interested in the art of the burger in her hometown of Philadelphia, the land of hoagies and cheesesteaks. At 10 years old, her mom took her to local burger specialists H.A. Winstons where she sampled ‘gourmet’ burgers topped with sauteed onions, bleu cheese and even caviar.
“Trying all of these different combinations helped me hone my signature burger style, and I used to race home from school to make my own creations. I made burgers with swiss, provolone, muenster – even brie – but I always came back to American because of its warm, velvety flavor and the way it ensconced the meat,” says Gennefer.
Not every burger maker in Los Angeles lives up to Gennefer’s standards of tasting like “a buttery grilled cheese sandwich with a juicy patty tucked inside”, but lucky for us, she wrote up an equal parts eloquent and erotic guide to who does. Scroll down to find her own burger recipe, too!
In the meantime, keep your eyes peeled for Gennefer and David Gross's dark comedy series about a heroin-addicted professional bowler called Pins and Needles, which was just brought on by Mudbound producer MMC Joule Films.