Vegans and butter-averse: Consider this your warning to turn back now. But if you’re into the holy matrimony of meat and cheese, please proceed to LA-based TV writer Gennefer Gross’s Instagram for a practically pornographic tour de force.
Gennefer, whose concept for a Sex and the City remake starring Jeff Goldlum x4 has seen over 30K retweets, has a penchant for NSFW Instagram captions, American cheese and making it a double. She posts mostly photos of cheeseburgers (see: #GennsBurgerDiary), her husband/writing partner (see: #ParentsWhoBone) and her son (see: #HeyHeyWereTheGrosses). Does the James Beard Foundation offer awards for Instagram captions yet? I think you know who we’d like to nominate …
Crafted with love and butter by Gennefer. Read on for her very own burger recipe.
“I'll never understand why people opt for thick-cut burgers when smashed patties exist with a crispy, griddled crust that locks in the juices and consummately commingles with creamy American cheese like hot sex and tequila. Add butter-grilled onions, seeping with savory grease, on a soft potato roll and that's pretty much the perfect cheeseburger,” captions Gennefer in an Instagram post featuring her own work of art from late 2017.
Gennefer first became interested in the art of the burger in her hometown of Philadelphia, the land of hoagies and cheesesteaks. At 10 years old, her mom took her to local burger specialists H.A. Winstons where she sampled ‘gourmet’ burgers topped with sauteed onions, bleu cheese and even caviar.
“Trying all of these different combinations helped me hone my signature burger style, and I used to race home from school to make my own creations. I made burgers with swiss, provolone, muenster – even brie – but I always came back to American because of its warm, velvety flavor and the way it ensconced the meat,” says Gennefer.
Her Majesty.
Not every burger maker in Los Angeles lives up to Gennefer’s standards of tasting like “a buttery grilled cheese sandwich with a juicy patty tucked inside”, but lucky for us, she wrote up an equal parts eloquent and erotic guide to who does. Scroll down to find her own burger recipe, too!
In the meantime, keep your eyes peeled for Gennefer and David Gross's dark comedy series about a heroin-addicted professional bowler called Pins and Needles, which was just brought on by Mudbound producer MMC Joule Films.
Currently Closed
Gennefer Gross: This underground burger spot was recently shut down after their popularity exploded beyond neighborhood capacity, but it is by far the best burger in LA. They are in the process of looking for a new space, so I hope everyone will get a chance to try Shawn’s double meat and cheese masterpiece, which consists of freshly ground beef from a local butcher that he smashes down with pitch perfect proficiency (despite any lack of formal training) to yield that coveted crust on both sides, and tops it off with thick slices of American cheese, ketchup, mustard, pickles and minced white onions.
BNSD gets it right with simple ingredients that showcase a skillfully cooked burger and shrouds it in a pillowy, soft Martin’s potato roll after a quick jaunt on the flattop for maximum toastiness. The result is a symphony of textures and flavors so buttery and rich, it nails my number one burger requirement of tasting like a grilled cheese with two juicy patties stuffed inside. Their burger feels like a family cookout on the Fourth of July, frothed with fond memories, and proves you don’t need fancy accoutrements – or even a roof, in this case! – to craft a mouthwatering burger. The result is soothing comfort for the soul. No gimmicky gold dust or shaved truffles required.
PLAN CHECK KITCHEN + BAR
Multiple Locations, $$
GG: I’ve been a huge fan of the PCB Burger since day one. Chef Ernesto Uchimura, who founded Plan Check and was one of the original Umami Chefs, has turned burger making into an art form from his perfectly prepared house-ground beef patties (made from various cuts of steak he’s always experimenting with to create the perfect blend) to his invention of ketchup leather, a solid slice of ketchup (with a fruit roll-up like consistency) that imparts flavor and texture without making your bun soggy. Um, genius. And his ‘Americanized’ Dashi cheese that shrouds your burger in decadent layers of luscious cream is the perfect complement against one of his other brilliant inventions, the crunch bun, a soft yet crunchy puff of savory, fresh-baked dough. Trust me, this burger is in a class all its own and consistently in my top three burgers in LA.
Electric Owl
Hollywood, $$
GG: This is another one of Chef Ernesto Uchimura’s burgers at his newly opened restaurant on Sunset Blvd, so unsurprisingly, it tops my list. To me, Ernesto is the ultimate burger maestro. There’s no question he knows how to construct a good burger, but what makes his creations so special is that he excels at layering flavors with innovative twists on traditional toppings like his very own white cheddar, which he processes in house to ‘Amercanize’ it (because, like me, he knows American melts the best), but by making it out of sharp, more pungent cheddar, he coaxes out new flavors without sacrificing meltability. This one-of-a-kind cheddar tops a smashed dry-aged beef patty with griddled shallots and horseradish-mustard aioli on a parmesan-marmite bun. This burger is savory to the max with every ingredient carefully orchestrated to awaken your tastebuds and take you to new levels of flavor ecstasy, or as Ernesto himself calls it, “Umami AF.” And F yeah, it’s that good.
Pie'n Burger
Pasadena, $$
GG: This is an old school cheeseburger at its finest, complete with the now rare ‘service with a smile' and waitresses frocked in uniforms reminiscent of Pleasantville. There’s no fancy menu or trendy toppings; just an overwhelming sense of nostalgia as you take a seat on a swivel stool at the counter and look up at a board that reveals just two choices — a plain burger or a cheeseburger. They only prepare them one way and they’ve been doing it that way for nearly 50 years. The burger itself is the poster child for burgers — a medium-well patty charred on both sides (strictly never pressed to retain its fatty juices), smothered in classic yellow American cheese with fresh lettuce, tomato, onions and that familiar ‘special’ sauce (you know the one: ketchup, mayo, relish) on a supermarket-style bun you’d enjoy at a backyard BBQ. Add a slice of freshly baked apple pie, and turn back time for a little while as you enjoy a simple, well-executed burger that’s simply perfect.
Republique
Mid-Wilshire, $$
GG: Leave it to French fine dining master Chef Walter Manzke to elevate the cheeseburger while still keeping it unassuming and flavorful. Republique’s one and only burger on the menu needs no modifications. I’m typically a medium rare girl when it comes to consuming beef but Chef Manzke prepares his at a perfect medium that gives it a crispy, caramelized outer sear while maintaining its inner juiciness. Then, he piles on plenty of American cheese (yup, even French chefs know it's the only choice for a tasty burger), a wedge of iceberg lettuce, fresh tomatoes and a sweeter than usual housemade thousand island dressing that plays beautifully with the tang of chopped dill pickles. This burger is definitely WOW-worthy in every way, but the bun alone is something to be revered. Chef Manzke’s wife and house pastry chef, Margarita Manzke, whips up a fluffy, poppy-seed Pain de Mie that makes you feel like you’re transporting this burger to your mouth on buttery air. Magnifique.
Eggslut
Multiple Locations, $
GG: It should come as no surprise that the man behind THE BEST breakfast sandwiches in LA, Alvin Cailan, also prevails as a burger overlord with his Angus Beef Cheeseburger (he's also the host of his very own burger show that just premiered on February 5th on First We Feast, where I'm totally lobbying to be a guest next season). A thick-cut ground beef patty soaks its weight in flavors as succulent caramelized onions mingle with the semi-sweet zip of bread and butter pickles, creating the perfect platform for the robust, aged cheddar draped across it (to Chef Alvin's credit, this is the one and ONLY burger where I'll accept cheddar). A hearty dollop of Dijonnaise dips into the nooks and crannies of the meat, adding a savory kick that cuts right through to the runny, over easy egg perched atop it. It’s all about that yolk, though, as bright yellow silk drips lushly down a warm brioche bun, clinging oh-so-delicately to the burger like paint on a canvas. (I like to refer to it as a ‘bread hug.’) This slutty blend of meat, cheese and egg, will keep you coming back for more (and more and PLEEEEASE GOD MORE), but it won’t ever taste like sloppy seconds.
Cassell's Hamburgers
Koreatown, $$
GG: Chef Christian Page's Backyard Burger at Nancy Silverton's now shuttered spot, Short Order, used to be in my top 5, so when he revamped Cassell's inside the Normandie Hotel in K-town, I knew the burgers would be solid. And that's just what they are. Consistently solid slabs of meat and cheese, served separately so you can stack your own toppings, diner-style. But don't snooze on the Patty Melt, which even though it doesn't have American cheese, might be the star with sticky strands of Swiss stretched across buttery rye, barely able to contain the heap of griddled onions and beef packed inside.
Petit Trois
Hollywood, $$$
GG: Like I said, even the French know that ooey gooey, velvety American cheese melts the best on a burger, and Chef Ludo Lefebvre is no different as exemplified by Le Big Mec, where it beautifully blankets two mounds of coarsely ground prime beef, oozing with juices that merge masterfully with a spectacularly rich red wine bordelaise sauce as it slinks across slippery onions that taste like they escaped from a steamy bowl of French onion soup for a tawdry tryst with your tongue and culminate in a zesty smack of tang from housemade garlic aioli, all on a buttery brioche bun. Not a single piece of lettuce in sight. So good, you'll weep. So salty, you'll collapse in a panting pile of pure bliss, sweaty and satisfied. Vive la gluttony!! Annnnd... I'm spent.
Gennefer's Burger Recipe
GG: My own recipe is pretty simple but exploding with flavor. I use a blend of ground chuck, brisket and short rib with a high fat content to keep the meat tender and juicy, and always cook it to medium rare on a stove top griddle in pure, glorious butter. If I happen to have French butter on hand (Echire is my personal favorite), I’ll use that because it’s so rich and luxurious and really takes the grease factor to the next level. I also smash the patty to be as thin as possible and cook it roughly 2-3 minutes on each side on high heat to create that crispy outer crust while locking in the moisture.
Once the patties have that crumbly seared crunch, I’ll throw on a couple slices of American cheese, reduce the heat and cover the pan so that it melts down, draping every inch of the burger until the bottom layer of cheese spills over into a bubbling pool of beef fat to form a luscious, golden brown cheese ‘skirt.’ Then, I’ll remove my ooey gooey cheese-coated patties and toss the bun into a sizzling amalgam of buttery pan grease to toast it. I’ll never understand people who just plop down a cold or room temperature bun on top. The bun should be a carefully integrated part of the burger experience—not an afterthought.
Condiment-wise, I’m no frills, and I hope your readers won’t send me hate mail when I say that I am emphatically anti-bacon on a burger. A good burger doesn’t need bacon. It overpowers the meat, which should be the star. So, I usually just opt for fresh raw onion for texture and the snap of dill pickles to cut through all the acid. Sometimes, I’ll add a mustard seed aioli I’ve been perfecting for years to give it some more zip, but that’s about it. No lettuce, no tomatoes, no mayo, no ketchup-based ‘special sauce’ (because let's face it, they’re all ketchup-based and not really all that special). As my good friend and burger idol, George Motz says, “Grease is a condiment,” and with all the butter and beef fat mine are drenched in, you won’t miss those extraneous toppings one bit."
Warning: Best not to eat one of my burgers if you have high cholesterol or a heart condition. Although, I can pretty much guarantee you’d die happy!