Brunch is a New York City tradition that dates back to the 19th century when our ancestors immigrated through Ellis Island in search of new opportunity and weekend debauchery. OK, so that’s not quite historically accurate, but it sure feels like one of those things that's deeply rooted in our metropolitan lifestyle. Considering NYC brunch has become a sacred ritual, you'll not only want variety, you'll want to save a buck when you can, especially when you’re brunching on the notoriously upscale Upper East Side. Did I mention that these establishments actually encourage drinking to excess on both Saturdays and Sundays? Your parents would be so proud.
Anyone who manages to translate the violent sport of “free fight” wrestling into a whimsical Mexican restaurant concept is OK by me. Especially considering that in a sea of bottomless Bloody Marys and mimosas, it’s nice to have some alcoholic alternatives AKA spicy margaritas and Cava with fresh squeezed grapefruit juice. Try them all many times over for an extra $15.
Chorizo Eggs Benedict
Pil Pil
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Who needs to take an actual trip to Spain when you can drink enough sangria to imagine a magical summer you spent exploring Barcelona with your Spanish lover, Juan-Salvador? Be sure to bring that vivid imagination to Pil Pil on Sundays between 11 a.m. and 4 p.m. for the $14.95 brunch special. Order one of their three-course tapas plates named after the Basque Country, Catalonia or Andalusia, and your first mimosa, Bellini, sangria, or sparkling sangria is just $3. Each poor decision you make after that is $6.
Coat your stomach with: Recruit two friends (or strangers off the street; who cares?), and order all three dishes, and test your ability to share.
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Between 10 a.m. and 4 p.m., you can choose to take your Saturday or Sunday one of two ways: down the somewhat responsible path for a $16.95 brunch plate accompanied by two innocent mimosas, Bloody Marys, or draft beers (though soda, juice, coffee, or tea could be subbed in extreme circumstances such as you hate fun or are already severely hung over); or speed directly toward the IDGAF bottomless brunch route which will cost you $10 more and quite possibly some dignity.
Coat your stomach with: The Banana Stuffed French Toast (made with a flaky croissant instead of bread). Basic white girls/guys will appreciate the standard two-egg breakfast with potatoes, toast, and ham, bacon or sausage.
Sunday brunch at its finest. Image courtesy of @olivaaa35
Parlor Steak & Fish
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Classy drunkards flock to Parlor for a booze-filled meal that feels arguably fancier than any of its bottomless competitors on the Upper East Side. To be fair, the dining room is charming and their six brunch options are all justifiably worth the extra few bucks. Except maybe the salad—I happen to think people should pay me to eat lettuce. More importantly, the $32 prix-fixe menu comes with five cocktails (mimosas, bloody marys, bellinis, or screwdrivers). Mix and match to achieve the ultimate hangover headache.
Coat your stomach with: The steak and eggs will not disappoint. Or try another spin on the classic eggs benedict; this one is served on a fluffy biscuit instead of that lame English muffin.
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Let it be known: This won’t be the most unique brunch experience of your life as far as food and drink go, but the energetic atmosphere fueled by the fun-loving folks that frequent this spot will more than make up for any lack of culinary creativity. The $29 menu includes a salad, your pick from five brunch plates and “unlimited” bloody marys, mimosas or sangria from 12 p.m. to 4 p.m.
Coat your stomach with: The Croque Madame with chorizo hash. Gruyere cheese, Canadian bacon, sunny side up egg and arugula salad. Need I say more?
Two Lizards Mexican Bar & Grill
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Looking for a quiet, low-key restaurant to enjoy some deep conversation with a long lost friend on a Sunday afternoon? Well, this ain’t it. This bustling Mexican joint slings mimosas, sangria, tequila sunrises, bloody marys and frozen margs in addition to an entree of your choosing for a hot $25 nonstop from 11 a.m. to 3 p.m. on Saturdays and Sundays. Turns out alcohol makes people speak much louder than they should, but at least no one cares here.
Coat your stomach with: The Enchilada Poblana topped with homemade mole poblano crema. Fiesta in your mouth.
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Should your Saturday/Sunday funday plans strictly focus on getting from point A (sobriety) to point B (singing Adele in public) with a bite of food in the middle, this might just be the place for you. For the low, low price of $18.95, you can have yourself any of their nine brunch platters along with as many glasses of mimosa, bellini, screwdriver, bloody mary, red or white wine you can guzzle in a two-hour period. The deal comes with two minor snags: Reservations are required and it’s cash only, if you still remember what that stuff looks like.
Coat your stomach with: The Tomato and Mozzarella Panini. This would be the most boring, non-brunch meal if they didn’t redeem themselves by brilliantly using pizza dough instead of regular bread. Treat yo’self.
Tara Imperatore is a New York City-based writer whose work has been featured in The Huffington Post, Thrillist, and Variety. Her lifelong passions include bacon, board games, banter, and blatant alliteration.